Monday, January 24, 2011

Things That Make Me Mad

This weekend, I attended a little get together of divorced women. I have confirmed a couple things about myself.

1) I get really upset listening to other's stories.
2) It makes me angry when women make a bunch of excuses as to why they are overweight and blame their weight for the demise of their marriage.

One woman commented that her husband left her after she had gained weight. She turned to emotional eating while going through the divorce and gained even more weight. She said it really upset her that men weren't interested in her. Oh, they would talk to her at church, but as far as dating, they just weren't attracted to her. She said she decided she was not going to lose any of the weight she had gained until she met "the one" because she knew he would like her for "her".

My opinion on that....Bullshit. I know strong words. I wanted to say that. What kind of crap are you talking about? You're hiding, hiding behind the weight. You want a reason for men to not like you...its not my personality...its my weight. The sucky truth of it is, if a man had a room full of women to choose from, he'd pick the woman that he found most attractive. She might not be the skinniest woman in the room, she might not even be the prettiest or the woman with the best personality...he's going to pick the woman he finds attractive. Period.

Why make an effort to make yourself unattractive? Why?

I say that as someone who has gained 40 pounds over the past five or so years. Yes, 40 pounds. I'm not happy about it and my mom so kindly pointed out that the reasons I may not be getting any dates is because "you're not as young, thin and pretty as you used to be".

Bottom line, when I was young, thin and pretty, I really didn't get very many dates either. I got more than I do now, but that has something to do with the fact there are fewer single men at my age...and even fewer quality men.

Another woman complained that she had also gained weight due to an accident, being too busy with work and a PhD program and an illness. She was upset that men seemed to think she was invisible. I started to get angry and spoke up. Hey, I've gained 40 pounds the past 5 years. I used to be very athletic. I looked fabulous...but yes, my issue was I just got busy with work and didn't fit in fitness when I should have. But I realized, I'm killing myself. Seriously, I was. I decided the weight gain had to stop.

Not because men weren't paying attention to me. Who really cares?

There are so many things that I want to do in life. My life is active. I love being outdoors and traveling. There is a lot of walking involved with that. I can't enjoy that if I have to sit down every 20 feet or am huffing and puffing. I want to be in shape for me. I want to be the best I can be at my current age and be good to the gift of this body that God created for me. Now is a perfect time to start something and it shouldn't be about looking hot for a guy or losing weight. It should be about becoming healthier.

Of course both women had excuses. "I don't have time with work and school". Why not. Do you have 5 one exercise a day for 5 minutes. "The guy I'm dating says I don't have to lose weight, he likes me the way I am and says I should only do it for myself." Well why not? You are slowly killing yourselves (yes, I said that). Clogging arteries, increasing your chance of diabetes, increasing your chances of a weight related injury....come on! Aren't you worth a healthy body and lifestyle? Don't you value yourself?

I'll be honest, I might not have valued myself as much as I should have. I put work and other activities before myself. I'm claiming my value again. No more excuses. None.

These women made me so mad that they don't value their lives enough to get healthy or make an effort to get healthy. How can they expect a man to value them? How? I feel motivated to whip myself into the best shape I can get in so I can ...I don't the best me I can be. Why don't people want to be the best they can be? And its not about weight, people.

FYI. I am working through the 100 push-up challenge from I've also got a good full body circuit going. I'm improving on my strength weekly and I'm on target to do pull-ups of my own body weight sometime this summer. And after 6 months and a set-back of actually gaining 10 pounds at my December weigh-in, I lost 4 pounds my last weigh-in, January 17th. My next weigh-in is Feb 14th.


kat said...

Ah, I like you. You are refreshingly real. Most people don't want to face certain things about themselves. I know I don't but I do - because I actually enjoy scouring the depths or my personality. Mind you, it still has enabled me to get past my fears and commit to a guy but at least I know what my fears are. I've been thin all my life and never had a date for HS, my first love was a chick (and a Scorpio ;-)) but the truth is I didn't want a woman, I wanted a man but was too afraid of them. So being skinny has not saved my lonely ass - just being honest - HONEST - and that's a lot harder for people than sometimes losing weight is ;-)

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robeau888 said...

Great post. I think you really hit the nail on the head when you say it's about valuing yourself. I have two questions. What changed to make you value yourself more and begin acting? How would you define a 'quality man'?