Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Final Conversation Before Deployment

The day arrived for my last conversation with Major A before he deployed. (BTW, I've decided to no longer use his name, its Major A from now on). It was an annoying week of playing phone tag. I wondered if I just wasn't meant to talk to him again. Maybe not talking to him again would be for the better. I mean, we haven't been dating since mid March. The last time we talked was Memorial Day and I had trouble fighting back tears. The whole showing off my 10-year anniversary pearl necklace from CACI turned to how my life is not how I expected it to be. I was probably more vulnerable with him that day than I had ever been while we were dating. Heck, its not like sharing my fears of never marrying, being lonely, never having children was going to scare him off. He was already 'Off". It didn't matter anymore.

Don't worry, Ranger's Girl was not a blubbering idiot. I haven't been that idiot since 2002 and looking back on it, the guy wasn't worth the snotty Kleenex.

Our game of phone tag worried me, did he NOT want to talk to me again? Was he afraid I'd get all emotional? I was a little disappointed that I didn't rate and "in person" last conversation, but that was probably for the best also.

I had called it on Memorial Day as I hugged him good-bye, "Well, this is probably the last time we'll see each other."

"Don't say that," he replied.

"That's depressing, think positive."

I'm done with thinking positive, I'm thinking realistic. I'm tired of dating someone for a whole year, really enjoying the company and conversations and getting to know one another and always have it end the same. And my experience with dating men in the military over the past 10 years (hey, um, civilians, you can ask me out too, I'm a very nice person) is that, besides them breaking up with me before they head off to the next duty station, is that all the "Let's get together one more time" forgotten amongst the month of terminal leave where they are globe trotting all over the US to visit friends and family; movers and packers, getting shots updated, attending briefings, and the final visits of all the other friends in the area. In the pecking order, I have always been at the bottom. I guess that is where I should go. I mean, all I have ever been is the "Girl for right now", not the "Right Girl". Granted, they always want to keep in touch with me - - apparently I fill some 'intelligent conversation' void.

The last conversation was about his next assignment and deployment to the Sandbox. He's going for a whole year, a bit different than most Marine Corps deployments. He commented that he noticed a lot of CACI contractors that work for his organization. Within 10 days of signing in from leave he was on a jet plane.

We talked about the current events that have been going on in his area of operation (AO), his vacation, my job, gas prices, selling his SUV, thoughts of what to buy when he returns to the states next year. He said he'd send me photos from his vacation in Montana - - "It was beautiful!"

We talked about run of the mill stuff, like old friends. Old friends. I think that is what I really liked about him, conversations just flowed and that is what I liked about him the most. And he was cute demonstrating his turkey calling ability. You have to be comfortable around someone to practice turkey calls. He said he'd like to keep in touch via e-mail and that he'd call me when he gets back to the states.

I promised to be a prayer warrior for him. My friends in Bible study were a little concerned because - - and there is a famous quote along these lines - - the quickest way to love someone is to pray for them. They don't want my heart to be committed - - so they prayed that I would be able to keep "romantic" feelings out of praying. I jotted down some military themed prayers and put them on a book mark in my day planner - - so that I will pray the prayers when I see them during the day. I'm not only praying for him but all the men with him and around him. I'm also praying for the terrorists, that God will thwart their plans and change their hearts.

So, that is that.

Ranger's girl is moving on - - as soon as I implement this darn software!


MAJ C said...


Im sorry, I hope things go better.


Miss Em said...

Ranger Girl--

"We talk about run of the mill stuff, like old friends."

"Old Friends" -- don't want to see old friends hurt. "Old friends" are also the best friends to have because they are there when one needs them the most. "Old Friends" watch out for each other. And sometimes "Old Friends" are the ones who find that they have that special relationship that transends into . . . MORE.

"Old Friends" are the best kind to have.